My story
I always liked to push myself, whether for work or in a gym and this desire to push my limits, to go still further, has long been one of the highlights of my personality traits. During a step class, I lost control of my right foot. I remember trying to put my foot flat on the step, but it "slipped" on the side. The same happened in the following class. I also experienced painful tingling in the legs. I will never forget what my doctor told me: "It can be anything from a simple pinched nerve to something horrible like multiple sclerosis (MS). It was early 2000. I was 34 years old, and living in Dublin for the past three years. I had just begun a doctoral thesis on the Irish economy while teaching at the University of Dublin. My future lay in front of me, clear and secure. Or so I thought!
Other symptoms appeared, the colours became darker, my vision got blurred... I took advantage of a trip to France to visit our family doctor as I trusted him completely. Given my age and the first symptoms, he told me that an MS diagnosis was indeed very likely. I knew he was right. I knew something was wrong. But that very same day, my older brother also went to see him and learned that he was suffering from kidney cancer. He left us in November and it was not until 4 February that I was ready to face a neurologist. The MRI scan and lumbar puncture confirmed my intuition.
People sometimes ask me what the most difficult aspect of living with MS is. I reply that there are three main challenges. The first is living with the uncertainty linked with MS. Since it affects the central nervous system, everything is possible. Nothing is certain. We must learn to take these factors into account without starting to imagine the worst! For me, the second challenge is to feel good in my body despite MS. How to feel good in your body when it self-destructs? How not to blame it? I had always thought that to feel good mentally, I had to feel good in my body. Having MS completely upset my relation to my body. The third challenge is to space for MS in my life but without letting it invade everything, which is crucial for maintaining good relationships with others, whether family relationships, friendship or love. Yoga helps me to deal with these three challenges.
It was in 2001 that I attended my first yoga class. Before attending the first class, I thought that yoga would be too easy, I quickly changed my mind. Yoga can be amazingly effective to improve the strength, flexibility, balance. But doing yoga when you have MS can be challenging. I remember one particular episode. That day I was hesitant to go to yoga because I had no sensation in my left leg. It "worked" normally but I couldn’t feel the sole of my left foot. But I so enjoyed this class that I decided to give it a try anyway. Everything went better than expected until our Yoga teacher invited us to do the position of the half moon, Ardha Chandrasana, in which the body is supported by one leg and one arm. I fell. But not only when doing the balancing pose on the left leg. I had the same problem on the right leg. I was too frustrated, too scattered to balance on any side. This was one of my first lessons in Body-Mind connection!
Gradually, over the years, I learned to use the breath to calm my emotions and hold the postures. Yoga helped me reconnect with my body and to some extent, to become friends again. It also helped me relax, step back, and enjoy the present moment. I also learned to recognize the postures and breathing techniques that could alleviate some symptoms. For example, Uttanasana, Utthita Trikonasana and Utthita Parsv. akonasana are great to prevent numbness in the legs and Sarvangasana mitigates extreme fatigue, a symptom which affects a majority of people with MS. I also observed how different postures influence my emotional state. Paschimottanasana always gives me a sense of comfort while I avoid Urdhva Dhanurasana if I feel too vulnerable.
These personal experiences motivated me to train as a yoga teacher. I first trained in Vinyasa yoga with Frog Lotus International and later did an advanced teacher training in Yoga therapy in the Paramanand Yoga Research Institute in India. I also trained in Restorative Yoga and since 2021, I’ve been training as a Breathwork Facilitator with Dr Ela Manga of Breathwork Africa.
Personally, I am convinced that yoga has helped me to slow down the progression of MS. The MRI scan I did in 2012 shows less lesions than the first one I did in 2001. My neurologist argues that it is not a proof. Maybe he is right, maybe I am just extremely lucky but I do believe and feel that I am healthier and stronger now thanks to yoga, mindfulness meditation and a special diet. I am convinced that yoga could help everybody! The toolbox offered by yoga is indeed fabulous. These tools are not a cure, but it is possible to use them to better manage most MS symptoms, stress and emotions. Yoga has become a real therapy for me. Of course, this is not always easy but I'm learning. I learn to listen, observe, read and tame my body and my emotions and live in the moment.
I hope to see you on the mat one day…